I Sort Of Gave A Shit

The big day came, I got my “kit” in the mail. I remember opening the box and looking in the purple bag and I thought, “this hardly came with any products”. The pictures online made it look like stuff was pouring out of the purple bag. So I unboxed all the products and put them back in the purple bag. I didn’t pick the bag up again until two weeks later.

These were my thoughts as I was unboxing the products:

A couple random brushes: meh whatever

3D fiber mascara: this sounds scary, and uncomfortable, I’m a bit terrified.

Lipgloss: I hate lipgloss

Cream eyeshadow: uhhh? This sounds slimy and gross.

Eyeshadow palette: ok boring colors, whatever.

Face wash: that’s cool, I’ll try that out.

***Ponders to self: “why is everything so fucking purple”?***

Beauty uplift serum: What the fuck is this? And why is it in such a weird bottle.

Rose water: ok sounds legit, but I have no idea what it’s for.

As you can see so far, excitement was not quite bleeding out of my ears.

Ok, so moving on.

My sponsor was like, “the first thing you need to do is create a group, call it your younique boutique, and then add every single female your friends with to the group”. I was like k why? She says, “you never know who’s going to be interested, people you never expected to buy anything will be your best customers”. Wait pause, just a btw that totally did not end up being true. So I made my cute lil group, I however did not add every single female. I didn’t want to be pushy or annoying—wait WHATTTTTTTT? Yeah I know, crazy right? Don’t worry my uplines tried to change that!

So my sponsor is like super boss babe excited, right? Before I received my kit in the mail she’s like, “omggggggg ok so you totalllly have to do a live video of you opening the box, and unboxing every product, so all the ladies can see how excited you are”. I told her ok. But I was thinking, “The fuck? I’m not doing that. Yeah, no not happening”.

The whole thing just felt weird to me. The girls were just a lil too excited for my liking, I told myself I wasn’t going to be pushy or annoying, it sorta felt like I was coming out of the closet to all of my Facebook friends.

So I made a Facebook post about it. Along the lines of, “a friend talked me into it, I’m now selling makeup for younique, go ahead laugh at me. I figured meh why not”?

My sister in law(who is a total cunt bitch, god I can’t stand her. That felt soooo good. I can say that and she’ll never see it because I’m anonymously writing this!) commented on my status and was like, “I’m not laughing at you but I’m sorry to say that’s just a pyramid scheme”. I was already aware of this, and she’s a waste of time so I just didn’t reply to her comment. But don’t you guys worry-my sponsor saw it (I was waiting for her to notice it muah ha ha) and she replied to my sister in laws comment. She basically said blah blah blah it’s not a pyramid scheme, step the fuck down before I sick all my y-sisters on you.

That’s the very beginning of my MLM journey.

Exciting shit I know. Don’t you worry my little readers, were just getting started.

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